Thursday, April 06, 2006

Mattweez's Makeover Mansion

Hello darlings!

Welcome to the first of our makeovers on Mattweez's Makeover Mansion.

Here we take ordinary folks and make the over using the latest in technology.

So who's first?

Well let me introduce to you, our lovely local model, Dana.

Dana: Hi everyone!

Mattweez: Hello Dana. Thank you so much for being here.

Dana: No worries Mattweez. Anything for you!

Mattweez: Now Dana settle down. There'll be time for that later. But now we have to get to the task at hand.

Dana: Okay sorry.

Mattweez: No worries. Moving on, first lets try the look that all of the kids seem to be wearing these days.

The "I've-just-been-beaten-by-my-parents-who-I-hate-even-though-they-don't-beat-me-and-I-live-in-the-suburbs-and-have-a-job-at-the-local-fast-food-store" look.

(After a few minutes...)

Mattweez: Voila!

Dana: I can feel the apathy rising already! I would care about it but I don't!

Mattweez: Transformation successful! Another victory for Mattweez's Makeover Mansion!

Attendant: Oh chu are so fa-boo-lus Mattchu! I do not know how chu do it time afta time!

Mattweez: (yells) Quiet Pierre! I am working!

(Shuffling and quiet whimpering is heard)

Mattweez: Sorry about that intruption Dana!

Dana: Not at all.

Mattweez: Shall we press on?

Dana: Please.

Mattweez: Say you are going to a solumn affair like a funeral. This is how I suggest you go.

(More minutes pass...)

Mattweez: And.....done!

Dana: Very understated. It's almost like I'm not wearing anything at all.

Mattweez: And you shouldn't sister. Why? Because at a funeral you don't want to wear more make-up than the person who the event is held for do you? No way. Major faux pas.

Dana: Oh sorry to doubt you.

Mattweez: You are forgiven... this once. Any further violations of my trust will be delat with servely.

Dana: Really? Do you promise?

Mattweez: (laughs) Oh you little scamp. I see your true colours now. Let me just...

(Oh you know the deal)

Mattweez: (Breathless) Finally. My piece de resistance. La Madana!

Dana: Wow!

Mattweez: (panting) Indeed.

Dana: How can I ever thank you?

Mattweez: No thanks are necessary. It is all in a days work at...

Mattweez's Makeover Mansion!!
Tune in Next week when Mattweez makes the ultimate makeover...HIMSELF!!!

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Newspost: 04-04-06 18:30 GMT

Brisbane, AUSTRALIA - Today a local young man remembered that he had an online diary, or Blog, at it is known as in the internet world. Upon discovery of this, he promptly logged in an made a post for the first time since early February 2006.

While he is almost certain that no-one reads the Blog, the man said "Well when I do get some friends I'll try to let them know of it so they can read what I write."

When questioned as to whether the prospects were good at attaining friends, the man begin to weep uncontrolably and left the room running.